Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
