You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
