im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
