I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
