I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
