Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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