Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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