let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
