look no pants
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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