The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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