Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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