Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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