This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
this hospital has no fireball
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
