probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
