I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
