my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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