grandma shit on top of the toilet
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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