You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can you bring me the toilet please
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
