I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
