Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
