Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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