I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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