this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
