I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Less talking, more tequila
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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