just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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