some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
