in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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