I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
