Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
