I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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