They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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