how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
