Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
