When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
