Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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