two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I supernannyed him into submission
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
