I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
