everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
