I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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