apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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