Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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