I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
try to milk me bitch
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