no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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