dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize