I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
