I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
