mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
