I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize