thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
