I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
