gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
