You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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