Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
