I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
