I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My life is pants optional.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
