its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
