sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
