I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
