I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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