she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
