I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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