alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
