i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
