is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
