I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
