just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
