Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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