Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
