dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
