Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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