I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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