"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
