You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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