I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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