After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
