I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
