please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
