doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
