There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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