Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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